Any 10 on Tuesday with Melissa

First things first - have you voted for me yet?All the info you need is right here.

It's Tuesday and that means it's time for “Any 10 on Tuesdays” where each week I ask some poor sucker an interesting person a bunch of questions. This week we're talking to the lovely Melissa; who I think wins the prize for most frequent commenter on this blog. I have the pleasure of knowing her in real life but for those of you who don't, here are her 10 answers.

Ready? Let's begin.

Describe yourself in three sentences or less:

I like surprising people. I'm probably more cultured and well-rounded than anyone really knows, or that I let on. I love my dog.

1. Thong or boyshorts?

Both. A girl's gotta have options for any occasion. Funny thing though...I didn't start wearing thongs until a few years ago because I couldn't mentally accept the fact that they could be comfortable.

2. Could you be in a relationship that is not monogamous? Why or why not?

No, I could not. If I were to do it, I’d feel guilty and like I wouldn't be giving either person enough of me. And just thinking about the person I’m into being the way he is with me with someone else would make me very upset.

3. If you were alone in your boy/girlfriend’s house, would you snoop?

No. that's the epitome of insecure, something I try not to be. Plus...what if I got caught?!

4. What is your favourite sexual position?

I like them all, but I really like the feeling of a man on top of me. Makes me feel like I’m with a man, which in turn makes me feel more like a woman.

5. Blow job or hand job?

Blow job. I really don't understand handjobs. They seem so lazy and half assed. And more work.

6. What is your most embarrassing sexual experience?

Any time blood is involved, it's embarrassing (and gross....but it happens! sometimes it's a surprise!). But the funniest time was when my dog jumped on the bed and started humping the dude's leg. Dude shook my dog off, sending him flying into the wall. My poor dog. I felt so bad for him.

7. Which habit of yours most annoys the people you date?

Not just the people I date, but friends in general all hate the fact that I don't like making decisions. it doesn't mean I can't...I’m a lot more easy going than other people, so I just like them to make the decisions so that I don't get blamed for making the wrong one.
8. What’s the first thing you notice in a man/woman?

Friendly eyes, a genuine smile, height, overall attractiveness.

9. How often do you believe it is normal to want sex?

I think it's normal to want it all the time. To me, it's strange not to want it.

10. Do you know what a dirty sanchez is?

Yes...and ew.

What say you about the questions and answers? Weigh in, discuss, heckle, what have you in the comments. And if you're interested, you can see the questions she didn't answer here.

Mind Sex - A Nasty Friday Guest Post

Even a perv like myself runs out of dirty things to talk about from time to time so we have a guest appearance from Lincoln Anthony Blades today.  If you've never visited his site, make sure to check it out. He goes even harder than I do. Pause. Anyway. Read, enjoy, comment, and don't forget to vote for me.

Romance is not an act, it’s an art and making love isn’t something you have it’s something you create. When both work together flawlessly, it can take even the most reserved of women from a cold, standoffish, asexual being to a sensuous freak craving your very touch – and it doesn’t take much.

Please don’t confuse my interpretation of Mind Sex with the lame Dead Prez song with negroes talking about "playing chinese checkers on futons and eating garden salads and wearing kufi’s". For me Mind Sex is all about "Penetration-Preparation" or basically everything you do before you put it in. I’ve always been a firm believer that if she is not dripping all over the place just before the sex, then you have not properly "pre-heated" the oven and the turkey ain’t ready to be put in yet.

Most people think of foreplay as an arduous and lengthy act, but it does not have to be either of those. And here’s how..

[I thought music would help set the mood for the pace, so click 'PLAY'..]


1) Greet Her PROPERLY

The first thing you need to do as a man is drop the selfishness and silly past fights and just get yourself in the mindset that you don’t matter. Not tonight. Tonight it’s all about HER. You can’t just TRY to do this, you need to FULLY commit to this way of thinking because the most important part of Mind Sex is the initial greeting – whatever way you typically greet her is NOT good enough. No “Hey”, “What’s Good?”, or “What the hell took you so long?”.

2) Be Attentive To The SMALL Things

Women are extremely attentive so they notice the smallest things when it comes to interacting with a man. And it’s not even small, OBVIOUS things like did you open the door for her or did you pull her chair out. It’s more innocuous than that. Though it’s different for every woman, it’s things like:how you introduce her to your boy that you saw at dinner (you introduced her as “My woman” and not “My friend” or just her name) or things like a non-obvious compliment or a brief  sensual touch on the arm.

3) Eye Contact Is Crucial

The eyes are definitely the window to the soul and the intensity of a lustful look is what women are into. It might sound weird to us men, but it actually makes a lot of sense. Women see lack of eye contact as a lack of confidence and if you can’t stare deep into her eyes it’s either because you’re too scared, too shy or too dishonest, but whatever it is, he’s NOT someone she wants to take home and find out IF he can please her. If she playfully asks "Why are you looking at me like that?" then you have her right where you want her.

4) Every Touch is Calculated and Delivered With Force

Most men don’t know how to deliver the casual panty-moistener hug, but the ones that do know EXACTLY how something as small as a hug can go a long way in creating sexual anticipation. A woman’s body is not meant to be grabbed or groped UNTIL it’s get-it-in time; her body is meant to be EXPLORED. Unlike men, women have many erogenous zones all over their body and it’s all about caressing those parts subtly enough that you don’t look like you are just being an inexperienced, overzealous horny bastard like one of those kids from American Pie or Superbad, but without enough force that she knows YOU cherish every inch of her body even when it’s fully clothed.

5) Find The Right Pace

This is crucial. Remember that YOU don’t control the pace, and neither does she. Her body controls the pace and if you can’t read it, then you will NEVER know when she’s ready. A woman’s body cannot hide its reaction to pleasure; though she can keep a straight face or keep quiet her body will always give away how turned on she is.

The final stage of Mind Sex may be considered teasing, but I just call it "previewing.” You don’t ravish her neck and collar bone with your tongue, but you give her a strong massage and every now and then just pass your [non-chapped] lips over the back of her neck for a brief moment and feel her tense up waiting for to kiss and neck her, but don’t – just pull away slowly and let her mind imagine how good it will feel when you actually do it.

This isn’t meant to be a how to please your woman manual, just some friendly reminders that bringing out the freak in your girl doesn’t take a stripper pole or Booty Call 56 DVD’s, just some time, attention to detail and willingness to please.

What do you guys think of LAB's take on mind sex. I know this stuff would definitely work on me, but what say you ladies? Men - what's your strategy for penetration-preparation?

Any 10 on Tuesday with Dr. Jay

First things first - have you voted for me yet?All the info you need is right here.

It's Tuesday and that means it's time for “Any 10 on Tuesdays” where each week I ask some poor sucker an interesting person a bunch of questions. And of course I couldn't have a series where other people drop their knowledge without including the most knowledgable man in the world, the indomitable Dr. Jay. He even answered all 30 questions instead of choosing just 10, because he's that kind of dude.

Ready? Let's begin.

Describe yourself in three sentences or less.

If someone asked you who I was, here's how I would like you to reply, "he's entertaining and provocative."  It's hard to tell when he's being serious, or just joking, but he's always thought-provoking.  Plus, the brother is fine.

1. Is there something about your life or lifestyle that makes your perspective on dating/relationships unique?

I believe in continuous improvement.  I never stop trying to improve my relationship from the minute i'm in it.  I work at it daily, even when there are no problems or issues on the horizon.

2. To what extent are you willing to adapt this lifestyle to that of your partner?

Naturally the partnership of two people is going to cause for some adaptation on the part of both of us.  I'm not willing to change the very essence of myself.

3. Thong or boyshorts?

I thought about this the other day because i'm a fan of boy shorts, but I really love thongs.  I will just be straight up.

4. Could you be in a relationship that is not monogamous? Why or why not?

Yes, but I wouldn't call that girl my girlfriend.  She'd just be referred to my #1.

5. True or false: it is rude for a man not to call the woman the day after he slams for the first time.

True, that's just rude.  One caveat, a text message is cool.

6. If you were alone in your boy/girlfriend’s house, would you snoop?

Nope, that's just not my style.

7. What is your favorite sexual position?

Reverse cow-girl.

8. Name the most interesting place you have had sex.

In a park during the middle of the day.

9. Picture your most memorable partner in your mind and share what made that person so memorable.

She liked the Lakers.

10. Blow job or hand job?

If you're not using your hands when giving a blow job then you don't know what you're doing.

11. What is something you have always wanted to try, but haven’t yet?

Drawing a blank.

12. Best piece of relationship advice you’ve ever been given?

B*tches cheat, get over it.

13. What is your favorite thing to do to your partner? What is your favorite thing to have done to you?

I like to feed my partner. I like to get head.  (Not that those are independent or unrelated. LOL.)

14. What is the most sensitive spot on your body?

Pelvic area.

16. What is your most embarrassing sexual experience?

An unexpected squirter.

17. What’s your fatal flaw in relationships?

I'm a conservative socialist, lol.  I like my relationships to be a certain way, but at times, I think I need a change with the times.

18. If you had a super power what would it be? Why?

Ability to read minds.

19. What turns you on?

Thongs!

20. Which habit of your most annoys the people you date?

Being smarter than the average bear.

21. What would the title of your autobiography be?

If you let me, you won't regret me.

22. What’s the first thing you notice in a man/woman?

Her shoes.

23. How often do you believe it is normal to want sex?

Hourly. (Is this my kind of dude or what?)

24. If your friend was cheating, would you tell their partner?

Hell no, respect the G code.

25. Name three famous wo/men you'd put a hurting on if you had the chance.

Eva Mendes, Michelle Rodriguez, Persia White

26. What qualities do the people you date tend to have in common?

They are unique.

27. Do you know what a dirty sanchez is?

Yes, and I will not do it to you, or have you do it to me.

28. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

Nope.

29. What are your must-have qualities in a partner?

If I said ambition would that be too cliche.  No, I would say vision.  The ability to see a goal worth having and achieve it.

30. What are your dealbreakers?

Stubborness and people who just are generally negative in life.

What say you about the questions and answers? Weigh in, discuss, heckle, what have you in the comments.

Crash the Car

The ever-talented Dr.Jay returns with his take on yesterday's post. I thought my idea was good but his is sheer evil genius. After you read this, check him out over at your favourite blogger's favourite blog.


Have you ever been on a different page than someone else? However, you were afraid of how they would react if you told them the reality of the situation? Today’s session is about crashing the car. I had a friend who was telling me about a situation she was going through with a male friend who may be thinking the relationship is more than friends, but she was afraid for her safety if she didn’t just go along with what he was thinking and manage her own actions. I told her, “Sometimes you have to get in their lane and then crash the car.”


Here’s what I’m talking about:


Sometimes men and women meet and the guy is thinking in his head that he would like to sleep with or date the lady. In her mind, she is like I just want to be friends. As most men typically will say, he agrees and says yes, let’s just be friends. He says this, but his opinion will never change, EVER. Final Answer.


As friends they hang out a few times and they start to hang out regularly. But in her mind, he’s just a friend. At some point she wants to do something else other than hang with the guy and it upsets the guy because in his mind, he’s trying to talk to this girl and she’s not being responsive. He may react, snap back at her, send a dry or angry text message, etc. She’s wondering why he’s doing this and thinks that maybe he’s just a little sensitive. Going forward and after several conversations or email exchanges about the nature of the relationship and that she is not interested in any type of relationship outside of friendship, he still insists that it’s cool that they remain friends. BUT IN HIS MIND, he’s thinking that this is merely a setback and proceeds as planned. Some guys will even go as far as to start to act out because in their mind, arguments are a sign of a good/healthy relationship. Be careful to check your Terrorist Alert Advisory Level.


So what do you do? How do you get this guy to lay off without causing him to do something crazy that may involve him harming himself or you? You have to get in his lane. So slide into his lane of “talking”. Get him to think that you are being responsive to his advances. And then you CRASH THE CAR. Find a way for him to find out that you are talking to someone else, or that you are a horrible person to be in a romantic situation with.


Here are some ways you can do that:


1. Send him a text in the morning, after not seeing him the previous night saying, “Had a great time, we should get up again soon.” When he receives it he’ll think that you’re talking to someone else and get upset and be done with you. Although you totally fabricated this situation. (I am guilty of pulling this text trick. It works like a charm).


2. After some time, ask him if he would have a problem if you were talking to other guys while talking to him. Because men are territorial, he’ll say no he has no problem, but now that he knows that it will begin to bother him and he’ll begin to waver.


3. Just be a horrible person to be talking to. Turn off your phone at night. Disappear for hours. Change/cancel plans. I mean flat out just frustrate this guy once you are “talking”. He’ll see a big difference between when you were just friends and now that you’re talking and fade to black.


In Dr. J’s opinion, there’s nothing wrong with a little Phantom of the Opera.


So what do you guys think? Will Dr. Jay's method work to get rid of the dude who can't take a hint? The next time I have a pest I'm giving it a try.

Other People's Logic: Is this the new guy?

For the first time ever we have a guest poster today. The indomitable Dr. Jay who tells women about their parts on a regular basis on twitter, The Book of Jackson, and your favourite blogger's favourite blog Single Black Male. If you don't read him, you should. He makes men cheer and women cry. In a good way. Dr. Jay is giving us the flip side of yesterday's post about the next girl.

I’ve had a few girlfriends in my life… actually a lot.  This may surprise you, but I don’t currently have a lot of girlfriends now, lol.  Some I broke up with, some broke up with me and some things just fizzled and we parted ways mutually.  Yeah you know things don’t always work out because not everyone is for everyone.  But how do you react once you find out that there is a new dude in the picture?

Speaking for myself, if a girl is not with me anymore and she finds a better guy, I can’t be mad at her or him.  I’m actually happy for her.  But that’s the man in me, I’m not some immature boy who thinks that’s I’m the best a girl will ever had, or that this guy somehow stole my girl.  No one can steal your stuff if you lock it up.

Then there’s the fell chance that you may find out your ex is now talking to a guy who is no where near as good for her as you were.  This upsets us all.  It might make you laugh, but that laughter is the laughter that one gets when they’re so upset they can’t help but laugh.  There are three people who make this situation worse than it has to be; Your family, your friends and her friends.  Your family is supposed to be there for you, but sometimes in there attempts to pacify you they can make it worse.  “You’re better off without her”, doesn’t really say what you want them to say.  Your friends sometimes can be more obsessed with your ex’s new flame than you ever will be.  Have you ever had a friend who messaged you to let you know that your ex posted new pictures on Facebook?  (These are usually the haters in your life.)  Her friends want you to think she’s doing so very well without you so they can run and tell her how sad you look.  I’ll tell you straight up, I don’t give a sh*t.

(Funny story, I know a chick who I used to talk to and her friend actually tells me all the time how the guy she’s with now isn’t anything compared to me.  I find it funny.  #DANGER)

What about when the person telling you about their new flame is YOUR ex?  Now that’s funny to me.  I had someone ask me the other day why I talk to one of these girls I used to talk to all the time.  (Scratch that, I’m not getting into all that.  She probably reading this post right now.)  But seriously, I have to laugh when the ex is telling you about her new guy.  I mean, it’s weird and it’s not weird.  I’ve had situations where I have had exes that I’m really close with now on just a friend level and then talking about that stuff doesn’t bother me.  And then there’s like exes who I just don’t care to be friends with, so I take that as amusement.  I have this one ex, and like for no reason she just broke up me with one day.  OK, whatever, a woman makes a decision and can’t find the words to explain it, so she just says nothing… big deal.  Later on I find out that the dude she’s talking to was playing her hardcore.  I couldn’t stop laughing for like three days.  Three days!

In all of this, there’s really nothing anybody can do.  I have never told an ex that a guy wasn’t good enough for her.  (That’s a lie, I told an ex one time after she broke up with a guy that I never liked the dude to begin with.)  But I have never overstepped the bounds of my friendship or past relationship.  If that’s the guy she’s chosen to be with, that’s her problem not mine.  That’s what we call the care zone.  Once you step outside of the care zone then you have to make decisions on your own.  (I find that women who “like the way I think” find it really hard when they decide they don’t want to be with me anymore and I tell them, I can’t give them advice for their lives anymore.  I mean honestly, why would I give you advice that doesn’t benefit me at all and in fact ends up hurting me in the long run?  C’mon son.)

Other People's Logic - Your RMV

This topic comes courtesy of Justin, one of my favourite people to bump into when I’m running the streets. If you live in Toronto and you don’t know about tdot.tv, head over there (after you read this post) and check it out. Thank me later.

I was watching this video this morning. I thought it was interesting, it certainly made my head spin a bit, but I had another post for today in mind so I filed it under pending blog posts and went about my business. But my mind just kept running back to it so I figured the universe was trying to tell me to write about it today.

For whatever reason I wasn’t able to embed the video in here so I’ll give you the highlights. It’s called “Why You Must Know your RMV Before Dating”. Your RMV is your “relationship market value” – all my business majors can understand that one. Basically the idea is that you must first assess what you are (note that – what you are, not who you are) before you can assess what you want in a partner. Are you a fatty? Then you have no right expecting to land a man who is in shape. Do you have a successful career? Then yes, you may have a financially stable man. Do you have kids? Yes? Then no you may not have an unencumbered man. And on and on she goes.

Now let me be fair and say that she’s not as harsh as I’m making her sound. She does say, quite rationally, that if you are a couch potato and you’re looking for Mr. Universe 2009 there will be a disconnect.  “He values physical fitness and you don’t”. Reasonable enough, right? But there’s something about this whole concept that offends me. It’s the…commercialization of relationships, I guess. All this emphasis on what we are and what we have and what we can rationally expect our partners to be and have just makes me sad. It doesn’t leave much room for organic attraction, does it? If we all approach dating this way, where will we ever find another King Edward and Wallis Simpson? Another Romeo and Juliet? Those are kind of overblown examples, but you get what I mean.

Now if you’re a regular reader of this blog, you should be calling me a hypocrite right now. And it’s true that I don’t know many people who have more rules, guidelines, and codes for dating than I do. But in my defense, none of them have much to do with how a man looks on paper. 

Case in point: A few months ago I was chatting with a girlfriend about a man I had my eye on. The first three questions she asked me were what he does for a living, does he have a car, and whom does he live with? My answers? I don’t know, I don’t know, and I don’t know. I don’t ask those questions because I don’t see what real relevance they have to my life at the beginning of a relationship.  What is relevant to me is the intangible things; does he have manners (always my first question!), is he funny, is he smart (whether he’s educated or not), does he have similar values and tastes, does he have pets? Those things matter to me and I don’t much like compromising on them. But the other stuff to me just smacks of riding someone else’s coattails. What do I need a rich man for if not to get him to buy me something? What good does a bodybuilder do me other than to lift me up and carry me around? As long as I feel that each of us can hold our on in a relationship; that we’re each contributing and trying on an equal level (and that has nothing to do with financial contribution), I think the rest of it can fall into place.

The thing about this way of thinking is this: Isn’t it just a little too easy to find a man who matches my level of education, my income level, and  lives in as nice a neighbourhood as I do but is a complete asshole? I think it’s a bit of putting the cart before the horse. What someone looks like on paper doesn’t mean much to me. I know I sure as hell don’t look good on paper and a man who subscribes to the RMV way of thinking will surely pass me by.  But he’ll be missing out.