*this is a repost from my new urban singles column on examiner.com. please go over there and subscribe. and yes, you do have to subscribe to both*
If you’re urban and single in Toronto and you like to hit the clubs,
the parties you frequent probably fall into one of five categories:
There’s the “hardcore” parties which are largely dominated by the under-30 set. They usually happen in clubs like KoolHaus or the Docks, there’s no dress code, and the music is of the Gucci Mane/Rick Ross variety.
Next we have the “backpack” parties. These parties are almost never downtown and while there’s no dress code, if you’re not wearing a plaid shirt, horn rims, or Converse you’re gonna stick out like a sore thumb. The bill usually features a DJ or artist you won’t have heard of if you’re not a backpacker and the music is more Wale than Lil Wayne.
“Music Lover” parties are for the music snobs. A staunchly 30-plus crowd and a style code so you can be comfortable but still look like you have some “broughtupsy”. These parties are downtown but in smaller clubs so you can rub shoulders more intimately with music aficionados such as yourself. The music runs the gamut from Otis Redding to Phil Collins to J. Holiday and almost every song emits a wall bang from at least 50 people.
“Upscale” parties are for the fabulous, darling. There’s a strict dress code and they happen in clubs that aren’t clubs – they’re lounges, or theatres. The crowd is 30 and up with a few celebrities thrown in for good measure. The music doesn’t matter much but expect to hear at least 5 Drake songs per night.
Lastly we have the “bashie” parties. These parties are usually in Scarborough. They happen in restaurants or social clubs and the dress code goes like this: dress to sweat. If you’re not wearing sneakers and you didn’t walk with your rag you’re gonna be sorry. The music is either all soca or all reggae. All night.
Now if you’re hitting the party circuit on at least a semi-regular basis, pretty soon you’re gonna start recognizing people. You’ll catch someone’s eye as the DJ wheels back a dope song and next thing you know your two circles have merged and you’re in one big happy dancing family. You hit Wah Too’s after the club for Chinese breakfast and quicker than you can say $15 cover charge you’ve got a new crop of prospective mates. Sounds great right? But do that four or five times and you’ve come to the point where you’ve met and dated everyone that may possibly be a contender and have nothing more to show for it than a guaranteed awkward moment (or two) next time you’re out.
So the obvious solution is to expand your horizons. Get out of your social circle and stop looking for love in the clubs - everyone knows that doesn’t work anyway right? So say you do that – you hit the bookstore, go to a poetry reading or a sports bar and come across a man or woman who has potential. “Where has s/he been all my life?” you wonder to yourself. Thing is, while you were over at your Music Lover party, she was on College street dancing it up with her Backpack crew. Or while you were jumping and wining in Scarborough, she was at Lobby popping Moet.
But that’s not a big deal, right? It’s just a matter of taste in parties – it has no impact on your relationship. Or does it? On some level, isn’t our taste in parties a metaphor for our attitude toward life? Think about it – if you love dressing up for parties and hobnobbing with celebrities or if you refuse to go to a club that makes you remove your cap at the door; if you’ll pay $300 for bottle service so that you don’t have to mingle with the crowd or you refuse to pay more than $5 cover, doesn’t that on some level relate to the way you approach life? And if you are dating someone who taste in parties is diametrically opposed to yours, aren’t you – at least in some small way – dating someone whose values are diametrically opposed to yours?
Maybe you are. But it’s not an insurmountable thing. The beautiful thing about human beings is that we are flexible. And that we can make compromises. I can hit a Music Lovers party in my jeans and wife-beater while he goes to his Upscale party in his three-piece suit. We’ll just meet up at Wah Too’s afterward. That’s our middle ground.
