I was reading this on my very favourite blog the other day and got to thinking about men and kids. If you're a single woman in your 30's you're probably going to encounter this a time or two on your quest for Mr. Right. I know I have, anyway.
I know a few women who absolutely will not date a man with kids. And I know a lot more who are slightly turned off by it, but will still date him. Personally I don't have a problem with it, but I will admit that there have been a few times when I've had issues with the way a man I've been involved with has handled the um, situation. Let's review:
My longtime readers might remember this post where I talked about going on a date with a man who had an unidentified child in the car with him when he picked me up. In the front seat, no less. He didn't acknowledge that the child - who I can only assume was his son - was there, nor did he mention it to me after he had dropped the child off. I thought that was kind of strange and it turned me off him even before the ensuing hallway incident.
There was another incident when I was dating a dude with a daughter named Unique (I dated two different men with daughters named Unique, isn't that ironic?). Once we were dropping her off at her mother's house on our way somewhere (Sidebar: the mother had the same first name as me, isn't that weird?) and in the car the daughter kept saying "Daddy, why is SHE in the car? Why can't I sit in the front". Which I thought was just rude. If I had done that as a child, I would have got a slap for talking like that about one of my parents' friends.
Then I dated another man who told me in our first conversation that he had a daughter. Great - I like when they tell me up front. He spoke proudly of her and was clearly a very attentive and doting father. Amazing. But much later I found out that when we met actually had two daughters. And another on the way (with an ex) who was born about six months into our two-year dalliance, but he never mentioned the other two daughters. I never understood why that one daughter was important enough to be acknowledged but the other two had to remain secrets. I thought it was mean and it was a big turn-off.
There was another one who I dated for a few months and he never told that he had kids. I only found out because we bumped into a mutual friend who asked about them and he had no choice but to come clean. Now I get that not every parent feels comfortable talking about their kids right from the get-go, but I'm not a fan of it. I think keeping your children a secret is kinda weird...
I almost never ask a man if he has children. And if he mentions it to me, I probably won't ask him much about it. Not because I'm not interested, but because I think it's up to him to decide what he wants to tell me. I have seen way too many women feign interest in a man's children in order to ingratiate themselves and I think it's kinda gross. And while I understand that the children are an essential part of the man, I just don't think it's my business while things are new. But then again, I have a natural reticence for asking questions, so it might be just another manifestation of that.
I never really understood what the big deal is about dating a man with children. Maybe it's because I come from a blended family myself and daydreamed about being a stepmother when I grew up (I was a strange child), but I've never had a problem with it. Having children is a beautiful thing so why I would fault someone for having done it is a complete mystery to me. I will get turned off immediately by a deadbeat dad, but a caring, conscientious, and invested father? swoon, swoon, swoon.
