I am that Angry Black Woman

So if you listened to me and saw Secrets of a Black Boy you probably remember Sean's monologue 'White Girls are my Kryptonite'. In it he talks about why he's given up on dating Black women. His reasons wre a load of bullsh*t basically amounted to the fact that Black women are too independent and don't make him feel needed or appreciated. The first time I saw the play I almost lost an eyeball due to excessive rolling but the second time (yes, I saw it twice - how many times did you see it??) I really tried to listen objectively to see if his reasoning made sense. It didn't. But we'll get to that in a minute.


Then on the weekend I was re-reading this. It's a list of the top 10 reasons the author finds it difficult to date Black women. His reasons were things like Black women are too independent and expect too much. Then I was over here reading this guy's reasons and he said that Black women have a sense of entitlement. Then I jumped over here and found a remixed version of the first list that also included that Black women are abrasive and their tolerance is far too low.


The thing about this kind of propaganda talk is that I think it's a gross over-simplification of an extremely complex issue and I really wish people would not throw this kind of stuff out in the universe so cavalierly; not that I don't respect their right to do so. But all this reading did get me thinking about something...


Last night I was over at my girl Rachael-Lea's house filming some promo videos for Inside Our Heads. When Rach asked me to be on the panel, she said she wanted me there as the 'bitter bitch'. So of course when we were filming she asked me how I became that girl...


Now notwithstanding the fact that I hate the term bitter and am loathe to use it to describe myself, as I started to explore the ways in which my alleged bitterness manifests in my dating life, I discovered some interesting things...


I am extremely independent and don't really want a man to do anything for me
I expect a lot of men and don't really tolerate a lot of bullsh*t
I get annoyed easily and can be abrasive


See where I'm going here?


Am I that Angry Black Woman that is driving my beloved Black men away? I think that most of the people who know me would say no. I actually think that most of my readers would say no too. But yet you can't deny that I kinda fit the bill - at least as it's been articulated from stage to screen.


So back to over-simplification. Yes I am that woman who doesn't need (or really want) a man to do sh*t for me. I can take care of myself and pride myself on it. Do I know how to make a man feel like a man and show appreciation for the things he does? Of course. But I also want my man to know that he's around because I want him there - not because I need him to survive.


And do I sometimes get abrasive when I'm mistreated or approached in a way I don't appreciate? Effing right I do! I value manners over almost any other character trait, feel that I'm entitled to be treated with respect, and will not stand there and act appreciative when a man I don't know comes up to me at Tim Horton's and asks me if I'm hungry for some C-O-C-K (true story). And you bet your a$$ I expect a lot from men...I don't half-step in my relationships and I'm not gonna tolerate him doing it either.


So am I an Angry Black Woman? Yeah, I guess I am. But I'm also a generous Black woman. A loyal Black woman. A smart and wickedly funny Black woman. But you wouldn't know that, would you? Because you only date white girls.