After a very interesting night on Friday, I had a very interesting conversation with a very interesting man. After discussing life, art, sex, and money, we got to talking about the merits of being an open person versus being a private person.
As I'm sure you are all aware, I'm a very open person. Since I make a concerted effort not to do things that I am ashamed of, I'm comfortable discussing virtually everything about myself and will do so with just about anyone. Mr. Interesting is the exact opposite of this. He plays things very close to the vest and spends a lot of time getting to know someone before he decides whether he wants to open up and allow them to get to know things about him. I thought that was a very interesting way to be, and I told him so. He thought my approach was very risky. Which I guess is somewhat true.
My theory in everything is that I don't give people rules, I don't keep score, and I don't try to stop myself from being who I am. I don't release the rope in stages; I give you the whole thing and see what you do. And if you try to hang me with it, that's on you. All of which is a very cryptic way of saying that I feel that I can afford to be open with my life experiences because there's not a lot of harm that can come to me for it.
Think about it - we are careful about what we tell people usually because we're afraid of three things. 1. They'll tell someone else. 2. They'll judge us. 3. They'll use the information against us in some way.
As an open person, I'm obviously not worried about the information that I give so freely being disseminated. And if someone wants to judge me because they think that knowing a fact about me means they know me, I don't give a f*ck. Whether they'll use the information against me is a real concern, and it has happened in the past.
I guess the thing that I don't understand is this - how do you ever really get to know someone if you're so busy keeping your sh*t to yourself? I truly don't understand how this concept even works...if someone tells you about something that you can relate to because you've experienced something similar; do you refrain from telling them so because you don't know them well enough or long enough? Do you withhold the insight and understanding you've gained from that experience in the interest of saving face? To me, that is the worst kind of mean-spiritedness, but I think that may just be another brand of maxlogic.
I recently had the experience of a close friend of mine revealing a huge secret they've been hiding from me for a while. The information that they shared with me gave me greater insight into their point of view on the various issues we'd discussed through the course of our friendship; but also rendered a lot of the advice I had given them pretty much useless. And while I can fully understand that person's reasons for keeping the secret (it's a huge secret), I couldn't help feeling a little...used. Well, maybe used is too strong a word, but I definitely felt that this person had deceived me by accepting and applauding my openness and purporting themselves to be an open person as well, while meanwhile keeping a vital part of their life from me.
I guess at the end of the day, we all need different amounts of light in our lives and it's up to us to decide where we're gonna keep our window-shades. Mine is and always will be pulled open almost all the way. How that affects me in my dating life is part II of this topic. Stay tuned.
