You'll come around

If you’re single and in your mid-thirties, you’re extremely lucky you’ve probably figured out a few things about yourself. You know what you believe, who you are, what you want out of a relationship, and what you like and don’t like.  And while we all recognize that self-exploration never really ends, once you get to a point where you really know yourself, it’s a little easier to make the tough decisions in life. At least it should be.

If you know me in real life you know that some of my “fundamental truths” about life are a little…weird.  I don’t believe in sleepovers. I consider bad manners a worse offense than lying. I would never dump a man for cheating (if he did it the right way). Chivalry and generosity make me uncomfortable. I believe married people should live in separate houses. I hate pets. I don’t like going to the movies.

With all these idiosyncrasies, things with a new dude get off to a bit of a rocky start. While I believe in strategic honesty, bombarding a man with all this weirdness right from the start can be a little off-putting, don’t you think? But at the same time, I am a weird, strange, and quirky girl and to not let a man know that from jump would be wrong.

But whether I drop my wisdom weirdness on a man right from the beginning or after I’ve locked him in with pussy somewhere down the line, his reaction is always interesting. Some men will agree. A lot of them will try to argue me out of my way of thinking. And in between are the dudes who say “You’ll come around”.

“You’ll come around” is usually prefaced with some kind of smug, one-sentence dismissal of my point of view (and therefore the thought process behind it). It goes something like this:

Max: “I don’t like cats and I have no intention of ever living with one.”
Dude: “Oh you just haven’t met my cat yet. You’ll come around.”

Max: “I don’t want to sleep at your house. I have a bed and an apartment that I love and pay for.”
Dude: “Oh you’re just afraid of intimacy. You’ll come around.”

Max: “I like being single and am in no hurry to tie myself down.”
Dude: “Oh you’re just hurt. You’ll come around.”

These conversations make me want to stab someone in the eye.

Here’s my thing. My way of thinking makes sense to me. It doesn’t make sense to everyone else because they’re stupid and I get that. I don’t proselytize and I don’t expect anyone to come around to my way of thinking. I let people be who they are. Or I try to, anyway. But what “you’ll come around” implies is that my way of thinking is wrong and that spending a little time with this person will allow me to see the light and come around to his way of thinking. Which FYI is just as preposterous to me as my way of thinking is to him.

But what’s a girl to do with a man like this? Do I throw him back or do I give his propaganda point of view the fair consideration he has not given mine? Most times when a man says something like this to me, a light flicks on in my brain that says “This is not the man for you”. I don’t tell him that and I will continue to spend time with him, but with the knowledge that this isn’t going to be something long-term. And then it ends. Usually because I didn’t come around.