Okay so we talked about the high maintenance woman last time, let's take a peek at the underside of the coin: the high maintenance man. It's not a term we hear often (which supports my theory that the high maintenance woman is a myth and a conspiracy against women)...does such a thing exist? Notwithstanding the paltry results for a search for "high maintenance man" on Google, I think it does.
While I think a lot of women freely admit to being high maintenance, you'd be hard-pressed to find a man to admit to it. And this is probably because of the ideas we have about what being high maintenance means; the vapid, self-involved woman who needs frequent mani-pedis and "designer fabrics, shoes, and accessories" (thanks mos def) to keep her happy. As many jackasses as I've encountered in my life, I've yet to meet a man who is like that, but that doesn't mean that I haven't had to WORK to maintain a man.
The high maintenance man's requirements tend to run more to the intangible and therefore tend to be far more insidious. And the requirements are rarely articulated as such; they're usually couched as beliefs; or rather the lack of belief. There is the man who doesn't believe in dating. Who doesn't believe in relationships. Who doesn't believe in titles. Doesn't believe in pet names, Valentine's Day, flowers, romance, or compliments. Or affection. He doesn't believe in presents. He doesn't believe in phone manners. He doesn't believe in arguing or discussing. He of course doesn't believe in monogomy. Or condoms. Whatever it is he does or doesn't believe in, the woman who gets involved with this man is going to have to put in some serious work to maintain him, and isn't that what being high maintenance is all about?
I think being high maintenance means that the people you are involved with have to "handle" you in some way; to a great or lesser extent, there is an expectation that the other person concede to your requirements whether they come in tangible or intangible forms. The woman who demands a Chloe bag for her birthday is just as much work as the man who will not acknowledge that you are in a relationship, is she not? And at the end of the day, which is more damaging to our selves and our spirits - having to work an extra shift to be able to buy a pair of shoes for your girl, or having to sit at home alone on Valentine's Day because your man refuses to acknowledge it? Or maybe they're equally damaging.
I think at the end of the day it all comes down to how much - and in what ways - we are willing to bend for our partners. Some men want a princess who needs a lot of attention and some women - such as myself - want a man who needs to be handled delicately. And there is gratification in giving, right? Maybe deep down all this business about high maintenance is really just a way for us to feel like we're the martyrs, the givers, the under-appreciated. But like I always say, that's another post for another day.
