The other woman is a bad girl, isn’t she? This predatory b*tch is the target of many a scorned woman’s ire. She’s evil, she lacks self-esteem, she has no respect for marriage, she can’t find a man of her own. But in the immortal words of Jackie Collins, who’s she when she’s at home? Who is the woman who so brazenly pulls up her chair to a table for two? And is she really such a bad thing?
I have a difficult time with the idea that every relationship is meant to fit the same pattern – monogamous and consisting of no more than two participants. I’m no Bill Henrickson, but I do believe it’s possible that relationships can take different forms and be successful. This might be a cultural thing – Lord knows Caribbean people take great liberties with the definition of monogamy – but I’ve seen long happy marriages that involved more than just two people. And no, it ain’t always the man with the side ting.
I’ve never really been the other woman, but I confess that the idea is not without appeal. There’s always been something alluring to me about it. It’s not that I don’t respect marriage or relationships, but it might be because I don’t value monogamy the way most people do. And for someone like me, being involved with a man whom I can never get sick of because he can’t spend every moment with me, who will likely never spend the night, and who will probably never want to get married or have children with me is a perfect fit. I could have my freedom, always have the trump card to end every argument (You’re married!), and I’d be free to spend the holidays with my family. Plus the relationship would always have the pull and the intensity of the forbidden. What’s not to want?
Let’s face it, no relationship is perfect. No one can be everything to their partner and all relationships have their voids. Some of us fill these voids with internet porn friends or children or hobbies. Is it really such a terrible thing to fill it with another person? Doesn’t anyone remember the episode of Friends where Joey made his father break up with his mistress and then his mother came back and explained to him the ways in which the mistress made the dad a much more bearable person? Is that just fiction or is it a level of honesty with ourselves we should all be striving for?
The problem is though, that the other woman almost never plays her position. I should be egalitarian here and say the other ‘person’ rather than the other woman, but I’m not. She wants more time, more status. She hates the wife and resents the children. She doesn’t want to hide. She wants him around on her birthday, on Christmas. She wants him to spend the night. She wants marriage and babies. She – just wants more. And there’s nothing wrong with any of that. But seeking it from your married (or otherwise committed) man is where drama begins. But I guess men don’t choose their side pieces with the intention of preserving their main things, do they? They choose them for other reasons.
Okay people, lay it on me. What do you think? Can a healthy relationship exist with more than two people involved?
