5 Reasons Why You Didn't Count

Love is a game and we all have a score. But unfortunately for all of us, your score isn't calculated based on your virtues, it's based on your bedmates. And scoring too high can be the kiss of death for some girls.

Now plenty of people will argue that in this day and age the number of partners we've had shouldn't matter and is no one's business. Most people don't even ask the question anymore. But please believe that plenty of girls would find themselves suddenly single if their number were to be disclosed to their man.

To solve this problem, we gals have come up with a system that enables us to tell the truth without telling the truth damaging our chances with a prospective mate. While we're compiling our mental list to arrive at our final count, we simply add "but that didn't count" at the end of any name we wish to strike from our history. Brilliant, no?

Now the reason this method of creative accounting is different from outright lying is that you can't just discount any man you want. A man in your past has to meet certain criteria to be disqualified from your list. So men if you're wondering if that santeria you put on the girl from the club last week is going to end up with a big red line through it, let me share with you the top 5 reasons a woman can cross you off her list:

1. It was a one-time thing.

You can't cross a boyfriend off your list unless you're me, but think of a one-night stand as something lightly scribbled in pencil on the notepad of our sexual history. A gal who meets a man, hooks up with him once, and goes on her merry way never to hear from him again is highly unlikely to rank that encounter as worthy of adding an extra digit to her number. Especially if her score is 9 or 19.

2. She was drunk.

This is the only one I've never used, simply because I don't drink.But please believe that if you slammed a girl while she was polluted with drunkenness she woke up the next morning and crossed your name off her list quicker than you can say lying ho. Please believe that.

3. She was on the rebound and/or she's out of your league.

Sometimes when a girl gets her heart broken, she just needs you to slip in a quick one to speed up the recovery process. No girl who has been dumped wants to walk around knowing that the man who rejected her was the last one to touch her lady parts so in a moment of weakness, she will succumb to another man's advances just to erase the ex-boo's stench from her memory. In the same way that eating a greasy breakfast when you're hungover doesn't count as cheating on your diet, sleeping with a human gorilla when you're heartbroken doesn't mean you've added a number to your list.

Sidebar: this only works when the dude is highly unsuitable. If a girl gets dumped and slams Idris Elba in retaliation, she's putting him on her list. And telling the ex-man about it.

4. He was a friend.

We're not talking about a fuck-buddy here, because you can't really cross a fuck-buddy off your list. But if you're the male bestie of a hot girl and you occasionally get it on with her, you are not on her list. No way, no how. That's a waste of a number.

5. No one knows.

Any woman with half a brain knows that if the sex was a secret it doesn't count. So if you're lying there in post-coital bliss and she whispers "we can keep this just between us, right?", just get up and draw a line through your existence because you absolutely do not count.

6. It was weak sauce
I almost forgot this. Thank you Honey Matthews for reminding me! If the shit was less than five minutes, your piece is less than an inch long, or you couldn't stay hard, you do not count.

Those are my top reasons, but as usual my blogging boy Dr. Jay has done it better over here. Take a peek. You'll laugh your ass off.

So tell me ladies, have you ever crossed a name off your list? Men would you be offended if a woman decided that sex with you didn't count?