5 Dudes I Can't Stand

So we've talked about dudes I can't find and dudes I won't date....let's spend some time talking about my least favourite dudes...the dudes who make me want to kick them in the seeds and howl with glee as they writhe on the floor in agony. The dudes who aren't putting one single grain in my sugar bowl, no matter how low my blood sugar gets. The dudes I simply cannot stand.

1. The dusty foot philosopher

I hate a dusty foot philosopher. You know these guys. They're full of theories and "wisdom" that, when placed under the harsh light of reality, really don't amount to shit. 

These guys are most likely to come in two forms: there is the uber-spiritual, poor man's Dalai Lama, Rev. Run wannabe type that spout "inspirational" quotes and words of wisdom. Which in itself is not a bad thing; but if all you're ever able to express is platitudes, please don't come sit by me. That shit is boring as hell.

Then there are the "marketing and branding" types that are forever giving you "their" point of view on the latest social media craze, or dropping science about the Old Spice dude...or telling you how to preserve your personal brand on twitter. Which would be useful information if I hadn't just finished reading it in Advertising Age. Come back when you have an original thought okay?

3. The deflecting dude

Nothing is ever this guy's fault. He shows up an hour late for the date? It's your fault because you didn't text him the directions. He impregnated his side piece? It's her fault for not being on the pill. You beat him at Madden because you left the curtains open too wide and the sun got in his eyes and he pissed all over the toilet seat because you left it down.

While I have to give this guy points for originality, it's really tiresome to be with anyone who can't take responsibility for their actions....but when it's a man it's just too much. Get thee gone deflecting dude!

4. The relentless dude

This guy will not let it go. He's the guy that wants to chat you down when you're rushing home from work in the middle of a torrential rainstorm..."what you can't take a minute to say hi? Let me just walk with you then. Oh you gotta go? Well hit me with your number right quick". Or the dude who can't stop trying to convince you that Lebron is the greatest of all time even after you've told him repeatedly you don't give a shit. The one that won't stop pushing your head southward after you've told him you don't do that.  The one who will forever text you, DM you, call you, email you asking for sex no matter how many times you tell him it won't happen. The relentless dude is a disrespectful motherfcuker and he doesn't even know it. Back up off me relentless one!

5. The sometime-ish dude

Sometimes this guy want to fcuk you, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he'll speak to you, sometimes he won't. This is the guy who will text you after not hearing from him in months, engage you in a furious exchange of witty banter, and then disappear; never to be heard from again until the next time. This is the dude who goes from all up in your crotches to treating you like some gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe in 0.05 seconds. This guy sucks and the only cure for a sometimes dude is to turn him into a no-times dude; as in you don't have anything to do with him. Ever. At which point he will probably turn into a relentless dude.


5. The can't admit he just wants to f*ck dude.

Oh lord this guy kills me. This dude only just wants to bone you. And there is nothing wrong with that...I mean nothing that happens between a man and woman can be more beautiful than a little bit of pipe. But if poon is all you want then just say so. Grown up ladies can handle it. But no - this guy wants to pretend to be your friend, pretend to date you, pretend to care about your feelings and then up and disappear after you've given up the goods. And even then still won't admit that secks was all he wanted! I hate this dude and I'm done talking about him.

Okay that's my list - what kind of dudes can't you ladies stand? And men I know you have some ladies you're not effing with...share in the comments.