Leave My Bush Alone

Just nominate me please. You've heard the spiel enough times. 

So today I have a bone to pick with someone. Two people actually. One is whoever invented the Brazilian wax and the other is the big mouth who told men about it.  Because ever since those two events occurred I've had men all up in my garden and not in a good way.

Seems like every where I go, every man I talk to is professing his love of the bald poon. Or the landing strip - which is just stupid. What is the point of that strip? All of a sudden no one wants to see hair down there despite the fact that the good lord Himself saw fit to put it there.

Well I am here to say to you all that I am not doing it. And I'm giving you 5 reasons why.

5 Reasons I will not bald off my p*ssy:

1. That shit is expensive. 

I'm a dougla girl and you know we come with more than our fair share of hair and the shit grows extra-fast. I can't be running to the salon every week dropping $60 to remove something that has every right to be there! Why - because you saw it in a porno once and you think that's cute? Try again.

2. It hurts!

My man - when was the last time you let someone spread a burning hot substance on your joint and then rip it off you? Just take a second and imagine it....and then try to dream up one good reason why I should pay money to have it done to me.

3. It's itchy

Unless you are comfortable being with a woman who a) occasionally needs Bump-No-Way on her private parts and b) scratches that shit like a monkey at a gym, you might want to think twice before insisting on the landscaping...when the stuff starts to grow back it itches like a motherfcuker.

4.  I am not 11 years old.

And I don't want my vagina to look like I am. That's all I'm gonna say about it really.

5. Take a look at your private parts and then ask me again. 

99% of the men who love an empty forest have pure thickets going on inside their briefs. If that isn't audacity I don't know what is.

Now let me just say this - it's not that I intend to leave the area wild and untamed. I groom myself. I trim and I spruce...the appropriate things can be found with no need for compass (© Nickerz). That's really all I can do. And to the men out there who complain about getting hair stuck in their teeth let me remind you that I don't really need your mouth to be down there anyway.

Who's joining me on my crusade to bring back the bush?