Sending Your Coochie Through the Mail

With all the talk we've been doing about thirst these days (see this and this if you need to get caught up) I thought it might be a good idea to devote this week's nasty Friday to a cause very near and dear to my heart...the implications of sending your coochie through the mail. Also known as a thirsty trick's signature move.

Now I warned you ladies a while back about what happens when you send c-u-next tuesday shots to the wrong dude. If you weren't paying attention, let me say this:. no woman has ever sent me a picture of her downthere, yet I have seen a lot of pussy shots in my life. You do the math because we all know I can't.

That being said, even I can't deny that a coochie shot will get a man's attention pretty quickly. Whether it's the right kind of attention is a different post for a different day. So if you're going to go ahead and send your man a special gift, please take note of the following guidelines.

1. Strictly for live men, not for freshmen 

All of which is to say that a coochie shot is ultra, ultra, ultra VIP status. More than head, more than anal, more than tossed salads; this is for special people only. Vag shots are not business cards; do not print them by the hundreds and distribute to anyone who expresses a passing interest. I beg you.

1. Give a man a little warning nah?

Now I shouldn't have to tell you this. I really should not. But if you are emailing a picture of your ladyflower to someone; please choose a descriptive subject line or throw in a NSFW. Unless you're comfortable with the idea that anyone could be peering over his shoulder when he opens the attachment; in which case you have issues.

Oh - and a note about attachments; learn the word re-size please ladies. The picture does not have to be life-sized, okay?

2. Photoshop is your friend

We are not all Kwesi Abbensetts. Our pictures - especially taken ourselves with sub-standard cameras - will not always look so cute. Please familiarize yourself with filters on Photoshop...a little sepia or soft-focus will do your cooch a lot of favours.

3. You can't take it back

Now a true gentleman will receive your pictures, look at them fondly, and then delete them before anything happens to them. But you and I know there is a dearth of gentleman in this world so please remember this: once you send that picture you really have no control over what happens to it. There is no undo. And there is no un-seeing what we already saw. So when if he shows it to his friends, all the yelling in the world won't change a thing. And when if he dumps you for the regular chick down the road, blowing him up with demands that he delete all the pictures is not gonna do you any good.

4. Please groom yourself

Now you guys know I rate a bushy snatch, but please make sure you've done some grooming on your shit before you start sending pics out. An ungroomed pu$$y is not sexy.

5. No Face

I shouldn't have to tell you this. No really - I should not have to tell you this. But I'm gonna tell you this: do not put your face in that picture. Just trust me on this.

And just let me stress to you one last time how much I urge you not to do this.

So ladies, what do you think? Would you/have you sent your coochie through the mail? What are your rules about it? Men - I don't even know what to ask you about this but you've been quiet around here lately so say your piece in the comments.