Baby what's your size?

One of the things women love to do is to take random facts about a man and deduce from them details about his attributes. There are many manifestations of this - how he treats waiters is indicative of how he will treat you, whether he wears a seatbelt is a sign of what kind of father he'll be. But by and large we gals like to use these little facts as indications of a man's d*ck size. (I tried hard to come up with a funny euphemism for this but let's just be frank for a change).

Women use all kinds of factors to get a preview of what the main event will be like - height, finger size, shoe size, length of his forearm, distance between the tip of his pinky and his wrist - but none of these are really foolproof.  And just eyeing the bulge in his pants doesn't work either...as Pamela Anderson once said "it might be all potatoes and no meat".

All of this got me thinking about whether there is in fact a way to determine the size of a man's weapon before going to war. And so, for you my dear readers, I have compiled a list of tell tale signs that your potential man packs a wallop.

1. He never talks about it.

Short-d*ck men will either tell you upfront that they are small, or they will lie and say they're big. Either way, he's talking about it rather than resting in the knowledge that you'll be more than satisfied when you see what he's got. A man who never mentions it is probably packing.

2. He has swagger but not bluster.

The distinction between swagger is an important one - not just in matters of penis size but in life in general. Swagger is smooth, bluster is obnoxious. A man with swagger knows he's dope and just expects you to realize it too. A man with bluster thinks he's dope and will explain to you in detail why that is. Think of it like the Napoleon Complex; just as a short man overcompensates by getting all alpha, a smallie does the same thing. In a nutshell, a man with swagger probably packs a mean punch while a man with bluster is probably packing a pencil.

3. He doesn't have to work for it.

Similar to above, a man who is genetically blessed (and makes use of his blessings) develops a reputation and soon enough will have pu$$y falling out of his pocket. If this man is not a professional athlete and employed, attractive, independent women are throwing themselves at him, there's probably a reason.

4. He gets repeat business.

If you really want to know what's going on south of his border, watch him closely and pay close attention to the women around him. As I said above, a well-hung man will have women throwing themselves at him. But if these women are also clamoring for a repeat performance it's probably a really, really good show.


5. When all else fails, grab it.

Some women swear by this method as the only foolproof way. But be warned - this may prompt several reactions, some of which may be a little unpleasant.

Ladies what do you think? Is there a way to tell what's going on beneath a man's pants? Should we even be trying to find out? Men - I'm pretty sure you stopped reading after the first paragraph so I'm not even gonna bother.