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1 February 2010

The Crush Not Taken

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In general, I’m a pretty happy person. No matter what’s going on in my life, I’m usually able to put a smile on my face and joke around as if I don’t have a care in the world. I’m one of those nervous-stomach types who gets sick whenever I get upset, so when bad things happen -  arguments, breakups, the Raptors lose – I don’t let them get me down.
But there is one thing sure to send me into the doldrums and that is when a crush must be prematurely or abruptly abandoned.
This has happened to me a lot and the reasons vary; sometimes I discover that the guy is a dickhead. Or he gets married or otherwise committed. Or he moves away. Or he turns out to be a cat-lover. Whatever the reason, having to drop the pebble of hope I’m carrying that my crush will one day wake up and see how perfectly suitable we are always sends me into a tizz.
See the thing is, I’m a big daydreamer. And when I have a crush on someone I’ve usually created my perfect fantasy of when and how he is going to fall in love with me. What he’ll say, what I’ll be wearing, our first fight, all that shit. I spend a lot of good, quality time (that could be put to much more productive use I’m sure) making sure every detail is suitably realistic and dazzling. So when I have to give it all up before it has a chance to come to fruition I feel as though my life’s work has gone to waste.
And call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the only girl who has trouble giving up on a crush.
Why is it that we are more easily able to deal with the ending of an actual real-life relationship than we are to give up on a fantasy? To be honest, I blame the media. There are craploads of magazine articles and books out there to help a woman get over the end of a relationship. There are do’s and don’ts for it. But if you have to give up on a crush you get nothing. This is why I’m walking around with all these semi-abandoned crushes on wildly unsuitable men so I’m forever gasping in excitement when I see someone before I remember that he’s been crossed off the list.
I’m going to write a guide for women to help them get over unworkable crushes. I’ll make an effing killing and you guys can say you knew me when.

Comments (8)

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1 reply · active 797 weeks ago
Beanpie are you waiting for a specific post? Or are you just saying you don't like this one?
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superblackgirl · 797 weeks ago

when a real relationship ends, you have all the bad times to draw from to convince yourself that it's all for the best. but when a crush does not come to fruition, it's the end of all that possibility. He could have been the perfect guy, the perfect relationship, the "one", etc. And even though that's not likely the case (i mean, come on!), you really don't know for sure. So for a long time it's just this great thing that almost happened and that's harder to get over than this great thing that happened and then went to shit (ie your actual relationship).

P.S. I want a chapter in your book.
1 reply · active 797 weeks ago
You are so exactly right, of course. To paraphrase a great (fictional) man, it's about the possibility of the thing...I know you get that reference. That's much harder to get over than the fallacy of the dry-ass reality, to continue with the paraphrase.
You can co-write the book with me, how bout that?
This is hilarious cuz I do the same thing! It's like, why the hell am I already thinking about this man, our first date and kiss, boot-knocking extasy, vacation, and honeymoon and I just met him like 1 minute ago?? So I go through all these emotions in a matter of seconds, and the conversations come to an end in a matter of weeks, but I feel like I've actually lived out all those experiences! And as many times as I promise myself I'm not going to do it with the next guy, its the same thing all over again. But life's a comedy, so all I can do is crack up, and try to do better next time lol
1 reply · active 797 weeks ago
Oh my God I'm so glad to know I' not the only person who does this! It's so strange, right? But it's true - you go through the whole gamut of emotions and then when you have to give it up it's such a strange let down...it's like, you know it was all in your head but it's still such a disappointment.
You're right though, nothing to do but crack up and try to do better.
I'm sad to say Ive done that shit too. I don't think it's exclusively a female trait but I think thats why no dude is commenting.

For me the average chick just get beats but the ones with potential I'll let my mind wander and build them up into that perfect female. The worst part for me is not when its over b4 it starts but when reality starts to corrupt that perfect conceptualization of what is infinitely possible.

I'd much prefer the former to the latter.

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bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.
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