It's time for an update on The Ladylike Chronicles. First off, I have to apologize for not giving you one til now. Fire (our target) was missing in action and I am lazy so I had nothing to report. He has been located and the mission continues.
Sidebar: If you don't know what I'm talking back, go read the first installment of the series and come back. It's short.
So a lot of you are not on board with my plan but that only just fueled the Fire (ha ha ha). Going into my mission I was determined to prove that I will get better results if I start with "Max Lite". So while full-strength Max might have been tempted to reach out to Fire during his absence, Ladylike Max has been demurely going on with her life until he reappears. Which he did about two weeks ago when I returned from my lunch break to a message from him on my work voicemail asking if I could give him a call so he could ask me something. So I waited the requisite 2 hours and then called him.
If you know me in real life you know that I am a total spaz about calling people. For one thing, I hate the phone and for another I get highly nervous and awkward whenever I have to call a man and this time was no exception. My hands were shaking as I dialed, my voice quivered a little as I greeted him, but I pressed on.
The conversation got off to a good start; he asked my opinion about something, I gave it. He was interested in what I had to say and asked lots of questions. He seemed satisfied with my answer (which comes as no surprise since both full-strength Max and Max Lite are highly funny and highly brilliant). Then we started shooting the shit. We talked about food and weather, men and women, sex and dating. It was a good conversation except for one tiny snafu: I forgot all about the Ladylike Chronicles and let full-strength Max out. Oops!
Here's where I went wrong:
1. I called him Dude at least 3 times
2. Said "fuck" at least once
3. I somehow turned the conversation to the subject of anal sex and we proceeded to have a long and in-depth discussion about it.
4. I told him about the blog
All of this is exactly the opposite of the terms of this experiment, but all the same the conversation went really, really well. It was long, it was funny, and I relaxed and stopped sweating pretty early on (that's always a good sign). At the end he suggested we get together for dinner soon and promised to call.
Don't all you nay-sayers feel gratified now? I can just see you at your desks reading this with satisfied grins on your pusses thinking See? I told you you didn't have to be someone you're not to get someone to like you.
Well guess what? It's been two weeks and he has not called so I call bullshit on your self-satisfaction. And before you say that I cannot possibly know that the reason he hasn't called is that I was my normal unladylike self, let me say this: we don't know that that is not the reason either. And it proves that being my full-strength self does not yield optimal results. And before you say "maybe he's just busy" let me remind you that no man who is interested in a woman will wait two weeks to ask her out, no matter how busy he is.
The upshot of all of this is that the experiment is a bust. But I will be keeping my eyes peeled for a new target and when I find him we'll start all over again. In the meantime, I'll keep you posted on this one when he crawls out of whatever hole he fell in; because we know they always do.
Happy Thursday everyone!
