a disturbing thought

the last man who told me i was beautiful turned out to be a pathological liar


sent while running the streets

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feelings. nothing more than feelings.

i tell you it's getting harder and harder to come up with decent titles for my posts.

anyway. i was just watching hope floats and there's a great scene in which sandra bullock's character dances with harry connick jr.'s character. contrary to what appears to be the norm, when they danced harry put his arms around her shoulders instead of around her waist as men usually do to women.

the feeling of a man's arms around my shoulders is one of my favourites. which got me thinking about some of my other favourite feelings, which i thought i would share with you. fyi - i'm stupid tired and not all that articulate right now, so when i list an action, i'm talking about the feeling that the action inspires in me.

-kissing my friends hello and goodbye

-playing with someone's hair

-rubbing someone's back when they are sad

-having someone rub my back when i am sad

-playing with my earlobes

-my hair after a really good conditioning treatment

-picking up a crying child and sensing their immediate relief at being held by me

-taking care of someone when they're sick
-snickers asking me if I 'still love him or what'
-standing in between d's knees while he holds on to my hips and talks to me
-lying down with my head in my mum's lap
-finally kissing my crush for the first time
-lazy sundays in bed with the one i heart
-staying up all night whispering and giggling about boys with my girlfriends
-talking to a new boy on the phone until sunrise
-being at the bluffs on an august night with warm wind whipping through my hair
-having a first and last call
-crushes
-the rush of finding something great dirt cheap on ebay
-confession
-doing it twice in one night

what are your fave feelings?

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happy anniversary

today is my parents' 35th wedding anniversary. this blows my mind in so many ways.

my parents have a pretty amazing love story - they met when they were 13, fell in love, grew up to go their separate ways, married other people (well, my mum did), and finally came together years later when my mum was living in italy and my dad was in canada.

whenever my friends think they have encountered an impossible love story i always reassure them with the story of my parents. it's pretty inspiring.

for some reason i can't seem to find a picture of them together (perhaps that is the secret of their success?) but here they are...phil and terry greene!

(phil being the mum and terry being the dad. some people get that confused)

happy anniversary parents. loves you!

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An open letter to the Orlando Magic

Dear Magic,
I can imagine how you must feel. You worked so hard to get to the finals. And while you think you deserve to be here, you're clearly feeling a little out of your element. And I know you love your own story of being the underdogs who have overcome all kinds of obstacles to get here.

But guess what? Nobody cares. Well except me, but I'm probably the only person in the world that actually wanted you to beat Cleveland. But the point is, we wanted Lebron in the finals because the most important thing is for Kobe not to win. We knew Cleveland could do it. You guys we're not so sure about.

So I really only have one thing to say to you guys: suck it up, get it together, and start winning some games. You still have time to take it today. So just do it. Not for you, but for those of us who cannot bear to see Kobe win.

We're counting on you so don't let us down asswipes.

Love,
Max
sent while running the streets

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why i'm single

so in my last post i talked about my permanent state of singleness. this is something i've basically accepted about myself without giving a lot of thought as to why that is.  then i read this today and got to thinking.

for those of you too lazy busy to click the link, it's a blog post written by Atlanta radio producer Nina Brown about why she is single.  it's pretty long, but here are some examples:



I am single because I can be very stubborn. I refuse to lower my standards because of the shortage of available, straight men.

I am single because I have an obsession with swagger and I refuse to date a man who lacks it.

I am single because I have a zero tolerance for ignorance.

I am single because I will not sweat or stalk you, regardless of how fine you might be… I’ve got pride and a life.

there are many more reasons but you get the picture. to be honest, this list reads to me as less of a 'why am i single' and more of a 'why you should want to date me' but that could just be me. notwithstanding my lack of vanity, i tend to have a problem with people who toot their own horns too loudly.

anyway. like i said it got me thinking about why i am single. so i thought i'd share with you my top five reasons why i am single:


1. i don't think like a normal girl (in fact i think more like a man) therefore i don't behave the way normal girls do. men don't tend to like this.
2. i am too lazy to play games and am congenitally incapable of being coy. if i like a man, i will tell him i want to club him over the head and bring him back to my lair. this alternately scares and bores men.
3. i don't nag, yell, bitch, complain, beg, or beseech. i give men all the rope in the world and watch what they do with it. this seems like a selling point but is actually a negative. not too sure why that is - can someone please enlighten me?
4. i think it's kinda cool to be single and can't really see a lot of reasons why i shouldn't want to be.
5. i met the love of my life at 18 and no one i will ever be with will ever measure up to what i had with him.

those are my reasons. what are yours?

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one is the onliest number

those of you who know me know i am perpetually single. my last 'real' relationship (real = serious, monogamous relationship with someone who loved me and whom i loved) ended over ten years ago and while i've had my dalliances here and there, for the most part i've been a one-woman show. and notwithstanding my auntie's prayers for a husband for me and my mum's assurances that "my time will come", i'm okay with it. let's face it, at this point i have single women's syndrome so bad that i can't even see the benefits of being in a relationship.

i do have to admit though that there are times when i wish there was a bit of testosterone around here. which gets me wondering whether i'll ever be willing to give up the sublime joy of living alone and let a (gasp!) boy move in here. not that i want to, but after watching last chance harvey a few weeks ago i'm also not that enthused about the concept of being single in my mid-forties and beyond.

so let's make a list of the benefits of having a man around:

1. he could take out the garbage
2. he could investigate when i hear loud noises in the middle of the night
3. he could lift heavy things
4. he could nag me to do the things i am too lazy to do such as take my vitamins
5. he could help me figure out which shoes to wear with my outfits

hmm that's all i can think of. that's sad.
oh wait!

6. he could untangle the knots that i always get in my necklaces

oh good lord that's all i can think of. but i did come up with a few cons of having a man around. let's take a look, shall we?

1. he will complain about the number of toiletries i have strewn all over the place
2. he will complain about the number of shoes i have strewn all over the place
3. he will talk to me when i am reading
4. more laundry to do because i do not trust men to wash clothes for me. (oh but i just thought of a pro! he could iron for me!)
5. he will snore. and while i don't really mind snoring so much, given a choice i'd prefer not to listen to it
6. he will turn the television up too loudly. i know he will.
7. although he could take out the garbage, in actuality he wouldn't and that would irritate me
8. he will want to keep his clothes in my closets after i've finally gotten them arranged the way i want them

so yeah, all things considered it doesn't seem like having a man around wouldn't accomplish the same thing as hiring a handyman and a housekeeper. and i would have a lot more closet space.
am i missing something? enlighten me please!

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remembering snickers

today is a sad day. it's the anniversary of the day that i and a lot of my friends lost someone special to us.
on june 2, 2007 michael colins grant whom we called mike and who will always be my snickers, died unexpectedly of what appears to have been an aneurysm.
he left behind his family and friends.

and me. somewhere in between.

mike and i were each other's first love. the people we thought we would end up with. and although we had gone our separate ways long before he died, i can't begin to describe how surreal it is to lose the person who once represented your future. it's a cliche, i know, but not a day goes by that i don't think about him and i could go on and on about it.

about never knowing what might have been.
about questions i'll never get to ask.
about having to finally truly get over him.
about what it's like to go to the funeral of your one true love and hear someone else be described as the love of his life.
and about all the other things that make his death one of the hardest things i've ever had to go through.

but that's not what i want this post to be about.

not long before mike died i deleted all the friends i had made through him on facebook. i was angry with him and wanted to widen the space between us. i refused to go to london on what had always been a special weekend for us because i knew i would see him and i didn't want to. "if i never see him again it will be too soon" is how i put it.
and guess what? i never saw him again because three weeks later he was gone and i would truly give anything to go back and have that chance to see him and speak to him one more time.

that's what this post is about.

what this post is about is this: i wish that people were more careful with one another. that they told the truth to and about one another. that they didn't assume there was all the time in the world to fix things because there really isn't. shit happens in astonishing ways every day.

for about six months after he died mike would come to me in my dreams all the time. the dreams were so real and it was like reliving his death over and over when i woke up. it was so bad that i prayed for them to stop and they did. and now i miss them so much i can barely type this.
see what i mean about being honest?

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