This is the end, beautiful friend (Max in Real Life)

This is the end.

Those of you who know me in real life know that I'm a month and a bit away from a big birthday. At the end of September I'll be 35.

Wow. Still can't wrap my head around that. It just seems so...grown.

Aside from the fact that turning 35 officially makes me closer in age to 40 than to 30, this is a milestone birthday because it has always been the hard-stop, no excuses, no matter what age at which I have to quit smoking.

Sigh.

To my knowledge, none of my readers are smokers so I doubt that any of you can really feel me on this. But the idea of forging on through life without my constant companion is more than a little daunting. Except for two years when I accidentally quit smoking, I've been a smoker my entire adult life. It's who I am, what I do, and how I deal. And yes I know it's disgusting. Yes I know it will kill me. I know that I stink and my sense of smell and taste are impaired. But still the idea of life as a non-smoker just seems unholy to me.

I am very curious though to see what happens to my "love" life when I'm smoke-free. In the 15 or so years that I've been smoking I've had innumerable men express their dismay over my penchant for the demon weed. By that logic, once I'm a non-smoker those men should be lining up to take me out. Then I'll get to see if dating is any different when you don't have to duck out for smoke breaks. (I'm kidding, I don't do that. Unless I don't like the dude)

Increase in ass or not, I'm committed to giving it a shot. I have an action plan and it started this week. Just as I didn't become a nicotine junkie overnight, the process is gonna be long. I have a quit date in mind but I'm holding it down for now. But I'm putting my intention out in the universe in the hopes that making a public declaration will somehow galvanize me to make this happen.

I'm also calling on the words of the patron saint of self-destruction (that would be Jim Morrison for those of you who are new) to bid goodbye to my beautiful friend:

This is the end
My only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end.