The Lost Art of Fingering

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It's no secret around these parts how much I love the pipe. So much so that when it comes to secksy time I don't really care to take a detour through foreplayland or oralville - I want to be on the express train to coitustown. But if there's one destination I'll take the scenic route through, it's fingering.

Ah fingering. Once upon a time before we lost our virginities it was the height of sexual activity. Now you're lucky if you get one measly finger halfway inserted for two seconds before the show goes on. I swear men put about as much care and attention into fingering as I do into dipping my hands into the pomade jar before I smooth down my hair and it's just not right.

Men - lean in close and let me tell you something important: fingering is a win. It's not just what you do to coax out the love that hasn't come down on its own, it's what you do to get the girl open so that she's begging you for more. If you don't know how to do that do not ever attempt to fuck me I don't know what to say to you. But I will share some tips that will work for me the majority of women.

1. Groom yourself

If you try to shove your raggedy fingernails into my silk purse you are gonna snag the lining. And that is not a good thing. There's no reason for your shit not to be groomed in the first place, but please make sure you handle that before you come around me.

2. It's not a lesbian porno

So please do not immediately attempt to shove your entire fist in my ladyflower. If fisting is what you're into we can talk about it you need to ease your way into it.

3. If you're not hitting the G spot don't even bother

There is nothing worse than a dude fingering you and hitting everything in there but the money spot. Do your research and find out where the G spot is and what to do when you find it. Otherwise keep your fingers to yourself.

5. Two in the pink, one in the stink

#FTW. That's all. Google it if you're brand new.

Those are my  tips for fingering, but I'm sure you guys have more to add. Ladies how do you feel about fingering - is it a lost art or can you do without it? Men - do you apply yourself to this task or just try to get 'er done before you move on to the main event? It's Friday - overshare!