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31 March 2010

A Date at the Strip Club

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Way back before I became the dirty bird that I am today, I went to a strip club one night with a few of my male friends. I was a young dumb thing at the time and I sooo did not want to be there. But as the lone girl in a pack of men my vote didn't matter much and next thing I knew we were inside. The night was one part traumatic and one part illuminating. Sitting in pervert's row seeing a little bit too much detail for my delicate constitution = traumatic. Getting a (free) lap dance? Illuminating.

I don't remember how or why it came to be that I got a lap dance at this club, but I remember it started with the girl telling me she needed me to open my legs. And ended with her in between them holding her breast in my face and licking her nipple. Je-sus. In one five minute song I went from "strip clubs are nasty" to "I LOVE strip clubs!".

My point? Well most women I know hate the fact that their man goes to strip clubs and most men I know like to go. So ladies, once again I'm here to ask you to get over it. And once again I'm going to give you a list:

5 Reasons Why You Should be Going to the Strip Club with Your Man

1. Strip clubs are pretty good foreplay
Now let me caveat this here - I'm not talking about grimey spots like the Fabulous Forum back in London. I'm talking a decent to upscale place where the women are under the age of 50 and don't have their Cesarean scars on display. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah - a strip club can get you - and more importantly your man - nicely revved up before the main event. You locked-down ladies who are complaining that the spark is gone? Here's a good way to light it up.

2. It doesn't make you a bad girl
The older I get the more I believe that women just pretend not to like certain things to solidify their status as a nice girl. This is so patently ridiculous that I'm not even going to address it, so let me just say this. Going to the strip club with your man is pretty much the only "adventurous" thing you can do without actually having to do anything. If it makes you feel better, call yourself taking one for the team.

3. He's going anyway
Some homosexual men don't like strip clubs, but most do. So there's a pretty good chance that at some point in your relationship you're going to be sitting at home with zit cream on your face and Charlie's Angels in the DVD player while your man is taking in the sights. So you might as well suck it up and go with him.

4. You might learn something about your man
I think you can tell a lot about a dude by how he behaves at the strip club. Those jackasses that shout and jeer at the girl from their seats in Pervert's Row probably don't respect women much. The ones that go there and never look up from their Blackberry and try to talk about personal branding? They're gay pretentious. How a man looks at a woman who is taking off her clothes for money says a lot about him.

5. It's hot
Did I say that already? Well it is. Trust me.
Publish Post

Okay ladies - what do you think? Will you go to the strip club with your man? If not, do you at least have the sense to shut your yap when he goes with his friends? Gentlemen - do you even want your lady at the strip club with you?

Comments (11)

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This post gets a serious gun salute for the mention of the Fabulous Forum....never has the name of an establishment been more misleading....I saw some things in that place that swore me off pussy for..okay well nothing could make me give up the sweetness but you know what I mean.....

Would I want my lady with my while I'm at the rippers? I don't know man. Truthfully I get bored at strip clubs pretty easily, so maybe bringing my lady with me might add some spice, but most women I've dated wouldn't be caught dead in a strip club, so it's never been an option...
1 reply · active 792 weeks ago
Sam Sharpe gets a gun salute for knowing about the Fabulous Forum!
women who don't go to strip clubs are panty meat and they're missing all the fun
this from the girl who max thinks is a prude
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
I know you're not a prude. You just like to front like you aren't dirty when you really are :-P
@__melissa's avatar

@__melissa · 792 weeks ago

the next time i'm at the stripclub, i need to get a better lapdance. the one i got was just meh...the girl didnt do anything and her boobies were not big enough for me.

going with a guy is good cuz you get to reap the benefits later.
1 reply · active 792 weeks ago
This is why I heart Melissa. Probably the only girl I know other than myself who has had a lap dance and wants another.
I agree TOTALLY that you should go with the guys to the strip club. Its fun for one, there is always more fun at home afterwards, and all the really good strip clubs have AMAZING drinks. :)
1 reply · active 792 weeks ago
Sadly I have not experienced the strip club effect in the bedroom. I've only ever gone with friends.
I must change that immediately!
strip clubs suck now a days cuz there is barely any home grown talent. all of it is imported from eastern europe. i can't stand those blank stares. i haven't been to a strip club in 6 years probably, i won't go back. unless its in montreal. that's a different story all together
stripclubs are fun!

but, i have to admit... i got one lapdance from a woman and even though i wasn't disgusted by it, i wasn't amused either. i wouldn't waste a $20

... the lapdances i got from men though? thats another story... ha ha ha!
I used to work as a receptionist at a "massage" parlour when i was younger and one of the extras you could add on to your "massage" was a lapdance. There was one girl that worked there that had fake EVERYTHING, a walking barbie doll but damn she was hot as fuck and could booty clap til the same came up. One day she was trying to get me hot under the collar and gave me the kind of lapdance the shottas must get in the clubs lol. BEST LAPDANCE EVER! I used to have fun going to the peelers with my guy friends but I find them boring now...except on amateur nights when you can go and have a good laugh.

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bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.
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