Vibes or Politeness

While I liken the age of technology to the second coming of the Messiah - I'm all for anything that gets me out of talking on the phone - it does make life just a little more complicated. The advent of courtship via text, Facebook, Twitter, and other non-verbal methods of conversation can sometimes make things a little confusing.

For example, I once received an email from a man that said this: "As we get deeper into this I am still discovering what I want and what I need. There are lots about us that is awesome. There are also some elements of our relationship that I wish were different. I need to meet someone that meets all my needs while I am meeting their's[sic]". It took quite a few reads before I realized that yes, this asshole is really dumping me by email.

That may be an extreme example, but the fact is that all this textual relating we do can lead to mixed signals; particularly when things are new and we don't know each other very well. And even though I pride myself on my ability to see through other people's bullshit and get to the heart of the matter, I have been known to ask my friends on more than one occasion "Is he giving me vibes or is he just being polite?".

In a cheerier example, last summer I met an interesting man at an interesting event. We chatted on and off throughout the night - always in a group - and went our separate ways at the end of the evening with no offers or plans to speak again. But by the time I got home there was a Facebook friend request from him in which he mentioned how nice it was to meet me. Less than a week later he sent me a message with a link to an article he thought I might enjoy reading. I was like - is this vibes or politeness? The immediate friend-request suggested vibes, but the link to the article - with no extraneous commentary - said politeness.

Even when we're lucky enough to meet someone who piques our interest in the three-dimensional world, things can still get confusing. A few months ago I dragged myself out to a party even though I was sick. There I spotted a man whom I just had to meet. A mutual friend introduced us and we had a brief conversation during which he appeared completely disinterested. But at the end of it when he was saying goodbye, he rubbed my back and said "I hope you feel better soon". I couldn't figure out what it meant - the rubbing of the back suggested vibes but his words were nothing but polite.

All this "is he flirting with me or is he just being polite" stuff is enough to make a woman's head explode. These mental gymnastics bore me, so I'll usually just come out and ask "are you trying to bone me?" but I definitely don't advocate that approach as it leads to all types of trouble. But the fact is, non-verbal communication requires a gal to work on her deductive reasoning skills. Luckily for you all, I've come up with a list of the Top 5 Ways to Tell it's Vibes:

1. Faster than the speed of light
If you meet a man at 10pm and by midnight he's friend-requested you on Facebook or asking for your Blackberry PIN, it's probably vibes. While men will move quick when they think sex is imminent, they tend to be a bit more lethargic when it comes to politeness.

2. Gratuitous contact
If he's texting/calling/emailing/Facebook-ing you for a pretty flimsy reason, it's a good chance he's testing the waters to see if you're receptive to his vibes. The best example of this is when he contacts you to ask you some sh*t he could easily find out on his own or you have no earthly way of knowing.

3. Spontaneous offers of contact info
Ever have a Facebook chat or email exchange with a guy and all of a sudden he gives you his phone number? That's vibes.

He's gassing you up
Compliments - especially gratuitous ones - are a dead giveaway of vibes.

5. After-hours
If you're unsure whether the contact is vibes or politeness, consider the time of day it came. Most people's jones comes down at night so if he's thinking of you in the wee hours, it's a good chance some type of vibes is going on.

What do you guys think? Ladies how do you tell the difference between politeness and vibes? Men - how can a girl tell when a man is flirting?