Once upon a time, a man and a woman lost their minds decided to move in together. The woman was easygoing and reasonable and the man was - well, not so much. Because of the woman's benevolence (and general superiority as a human being), on the rare occasions that the lovebirds fought, the arguments were quickly diffused by the woman, who valued peace over being right and was quick to offer up whatever was required to smooth things over; often it meant apologizing even though she was never not wrong.
One day the man and the woman were driving and got into a little disagreement. Before anyone knew what was happening, it erupted into a full-on fight. The man, having smoked crack or some other mind-altering substance, thought it would be a good idea to start yelling at the woman. And as he raged at her at a volume that was sure to break the sound barrier, the woman waited for a red light, got out of the car, went home and packed a bag. By the time the man made it home, the woman was on her way to Union station to catch the next train to her parents' house.
Seem a bit melodramatic to you?
As the woman in this fairytale, let me explain. I hate yelling. I will - and have - put up with a lot in my dealings with the opposite sex, but for me yelling is the point of no return; the exclusive domain of crazy bitches and soon-to-be-abusive boyfriends. And yet I hear stories all the time about people in relationships yelling at one another. I need someone to explain this to me. How is it ever okay for one hardback person to yell at another hardback person? This is what's hot in the streets? Are we so limited in our powers of communication that the only way we can express anger is through volume? Is yelling ever okay?
But back to my story. I never did get on the train that day. In the end, the man found me waiting at the bus stop and apologized to me. Profusely and sincerely (there were knees on the ground). It would have been a wholly satisfying experience if it weren't for his qualifier - "but I was mad".
Here's another thing I want you guys to explain to me, because "I was mad" is everyone's justification for yelling. If you can't help yelling at your SO when you get angry, what do you do when you boss pisses you off? Do you yell at him? If your mother enrages you (and Lord knows they do that), do you fly off the handle and tell her about her parts? I just don't buy it. I think the reason we yell at the one we love is that we've gotten a little too brave. At work, the fear of the pink slip will keep your anger in check. With Mommie Dearest, you know she will knock your teeth out if you raise your voice so you find a way to keep your cool. But with our mates it seems that our arrogance removes that little filter that tells us "this is not an appropriate way to speak to someone".
I warn the men that I get involved with from the beginning that I don't like yelling. Given the choice I would rather he curse me, spit at me, hell even piss on me before he raises his voice to me. And should he choose to do it anyway, he should be prepared for the consequences.
But tell me, oh collective voice of reason, am I way off-base here? Is yelling a normal part of the man-woman dynamic or am I within my rights to cut a dude who gets loud on me?
One day the man and the woman were driving and got into a little disagreement. Before anyone knew what was happening, it erupted into a full-on fight. The man, having smoked crack or some other mind-altering substance, thought it would be a good idea to start yelling at the woman. And as he raged at her at a volume that was sure to break the sound barrier, the woman waited for a red light, got out of the car, went home and packed a bag. By the time the man made it home, the woman was on her way to Union station to catch the next train to her parents' house.
Seem a bit melodramatic to you?
As the woman in this fairytale, let me explain. I hate yelling. I will - and have - put up with a lot in my dealings with the opposite sex, but for me yelling is the point of no return; the exclusive domain of crazy bitches and soon-to-be-abusive boyfriends. And yet I hear stories all the time about people in relationships yelling at one another. I need someone to explain this to me. How is it ever okay for one hardback person to yell at another hardback person? This is what's hot in the streets? Are we so limited in our powers of communication that the only way we can express anger is through volume? Is yelling ever okay?
But back to my story. I never did get on the train that day. In the end, the man found me waiting at the bus stop and apologized to me. Profusely and sincerely (there were knees on the ground). It would have been a wholly satisfying experience if it weren't for his qualifier - "but I was mad".
Here's another thing I want you guys to explain to me, because "I was mad" is everyone's justification for yelling. If you can't help yelling at your SO when you get angry, what do you do when you boss pisses you off? Do you yell at him? If your mother enrages you (and Lord knows they do that), do you fly off the handle and tell her about her parts? I just don't buy it. I think the reason we yell at the one we love is that we've gotten a little too brave. At work, the fear of the pink slip will keep your anger in check. With Mommie Dearest, you know she will knock your teeth out if you raise your voice so you find a way to keep your cool. But with our mates it seems that our arrogance removes that little filter that tells us "this is not an appropriate way to speak to someone".
I warn the men that I get involved with from the beginning that I don't like yelling. Given the choice I would rather he curse me, spit at me, hell even piss on me before he raises his voice to me. And should he choose to do it anyway, he should be prepared for the consequences.
But tell me, oh collective voice of reason, am I way off-base here? Is yelling a normal part of the man-woman dynamic or am I within my rights to cut a dude who gets loud on me?
