For the first time ever we have a guest poster today. The indomitable Dr. Jay who tells women about their parts on a regular basis on twitter, The Book of Jackson, and your favourite blogger's favourite blog Single Black Male. If you don't read him, you should. He makes men cheer and women cry. In a good way. Dr. Jay is giving us the flip side of yesterday's post about the next girl.
I’ve had a few girlfriends in my life… actually a lot. This may surprise you, but I don’t currently have a lot of girlfriends now, lol. Some I broke up with, some broke up with me and some things just fizzled and we parted ways mutually. Yeah you know things don’t always work out because not everyone is for everyone. But how do you react once you find out that there is a new dude in the picture?
Speaking for myself, if a girl is not with me anymore and she finds a better guy, I can’t be mad at her or him. I’m actually happy for her. But that’s the man in me, I’m not some immature boy who thinks that’s I’m the best a girl will ever had, or that this guy somehow stole my girl. No one can steal your stuff if you lock it up.
Then there’s the fell chance that you may find out your ex is now talking to a guy who is no where near as good for her as you were. This upsets us all. It might make you laugh, but that laughter is the laughter that one gets when they’re so upset they can’t help but laugh. There are three people who make this situation worse than it has to be; Your family, your friends and her friends. Your family is supposed to be there for you, but sometimes in there attempts to pacify you they can make it worse. “You’re better off without her”, doesn’t really say what you want them to say. Your friends sometimes can be more obsessed with your ex’s new flame than you ever will be. Have you ever had a friend who messaged you to let you know that your ex posted new pictures on Facebook? (These are usually the haters in your life.) Her friends want you to think she’s doing so very well without you so they can run and tell her how sad you look. I’ll tell you straight up, I don’t give a sh*t.
(Funny story, I know a chick who I used to talk to and her friend actually tells me all the time how the guy she’s with now isn’t anything compared to me. I find it funny. #DANGER)
What about when the person telling you about their new flame is YOUR ex? Now that’s funny to me. I had someone ask me the other day why I talk to one of these girls I used to talk to all the time. (Scratch that, I’m not getting into all that. She probably reading this post right now.) But seriously, I have to laugh when the ex is telling you about her new guy. I mean, it’s weird and it’s not weird. I’ve had situations where I have had exes that I’m really close with now on just a friend level and then talking about that stuff doesn’t bother me. And then there’s like exes who I just don’t care to be friends with, so I take that as amusement. I have this one ex, and like for no reason she just broke up me with one day. OK, whatever, a woman makes a decision and can’t find the words to explain it, so she just says nothing… big deal. Later on I find out that the dude she’s talking to was playing her hardcore. I couldn’t stop laughing for like three days. Three days!
In all of this, there’s really nothing anybody can do. I have never told an ex that a guy wasn’t good enough for her. (That’s a lie, I told an ex one time after she broke up with a guy that I never liked the dude to begin with.) But I have never overstepped the bounds of my friendship or past relationship. If that’s the guy she’s chosen to be with, that’s her problem not mine. That’s what we call the care zone. Once you step outside of the care zone then you have to make decisions on your own. (I find that women who “like the way I think” find it really hard when they decide they don’t want to be with me anymore and I tell them, I can’t give them advice for their lives anymore. I mean honestly, why would I give you advice that doesn’t benefit me at all and in fact ends up hurting me in the long run? C’mon son.)
I’ve had a few girlfriends in my life… actually a lot. This may surprise you, but I don’t currently have a lot of girlfriends now, lol. Some I broke up with, some broke up with me and some things just fizzled and we parted ways mutually. Yeah you know things don’t always work out because not everyone is for everyone. But how do you react once you find out that there is a new dude in the picture?
Speaking for myself, if a girl is not with me anymore and she finds a better guy, I can’t be mad at her or him. I’m actually happy for her. But that’s the man in me, I’m not some immature boy who thinks that’s I’m the best a girl will ever had, or that this guy somehow stole my girl. No one can steal your stuff if you lock it up.
Then there’s the fell chance that you may find out your ex is now talking to a guy who is no where near as good for her as you were. This upsets us all. It might make you laugh, but that laughter is the laughter that one gets when they’re so upset they can’t help but laugh. There are three people who make this situation worse than it has to be; Your family, your friends and her friends. Your family is supposed to be there for you, but sometimes in there attempts to pacify you they can make it worse. “You’re better off without her”, doesn’t really say what you want them to say. Your friends sometimes can be more obsessed with your ex’s new flame than you ever will be. Have you ever had a friend who messaged you to let you know that your ex posted new pictures on Facebook? (These are usually the haters in your life.) Her friends want you to think she’s doing so very well without you so they can run and tell her how sad you look. I’ll tell you straight up, I don’t give a sh*t.
(Funny story, I know a chick who I used to talk to and her friend actually tells me all the time how the guy she’s with now isn’t anything compared to me. I find it funny. #DANGER)
What about when the person telling you about their new flame is YOUR ex? Now that’s funny to me. I had someone ask me the other day why I talk to one of these girls I used to talk to all the time. (Scratch that, I’m not getting into all that. She probably reading this post right now.) But seriously, I have to laugh when the ex is telling you about her new guy. I mean, it’s weird and it’s not weird. I’ve had situations where I have had exes that I’m really close with now on just a friend level and then talking about that stuff doesn’t bother me. And then there’s like exes who I just don’t care to be friends with, so I take that as amusement. I have this one ex, and like for no reason she just broke up me with one day. OK, whatever, a woman makes a decision and can’t find the words to explain it, so she just says nothing… big deal. Later on I find out that the dude she’s talking to was playing her hardcore. I couldn’t stop laughing for like three days. Three days!
In all of this, there’s really nothing anybody can do. I have never told an ex that a guy wasn’t good enough for her. (That’s a lie, I told an ex one time after she broke up with a guy that I never liked the dude to begin with.) But I have never overstepped the bounds of my friendship or past relationship. If that’s the guy she’s chosen to be with, that’s her problem not mine. That’s what we call the care zone. Once you step outside of the care zone then you have to make decisions on your own. (I find that women who “like the way I think” find it really hard when they decide they don’t want to be with me anymore and I tell them, I can’t give them advice for their lives anymore. I mean honestly, why would I give you advice that doesn’t benefit me at all and in fact ends up hurting me in the long run? C’mon son.)
